A Post in Which I Do Not Get Defensive About Our Failings

  In a world where we can share our every thought with the world with the flick of a finger, I sometimes feel like I'm swinging wildly back and forth on a pendulum. One side is full of beautiful themed birthday parties and matching shoes, seasonal throw pillows and locally sourced, organic dinners which everyone loves and which are ready in 6.5 minutes. I think, I can do that. I want to do that. Everything should be lovely. All. The. Time. Then the pendulum swings. The other side shouts in oxymoron-both angry and apathetic. It's the "I like the way we are. I'm not gonna change 'cause you saw something awesome on pinterest. I don't craft and we eat frozen fish sticks and my third-grader's in a garage band. Don't tell me what to do."
 There isn't a lot of exposure to the middle. People in the middle don't actually have a point to make. They don't write essays or make t-shirts proclaiming their truth. They just do it. I think the middle is a good place to be. If I swing too far from the middle I find myself feeling like a failure or complacent in my failings. This blog is for my children, and I want them to know exactly where our little family fits on the spectrum. Also, it helps me to sort out my feelings. It's easy to get defensive about all the reasons that our situation is what it is, but I don't feel any need to prove a point right now. Yes, I need to get fit, but I will get there.
  So to my children; we're doing kind of great. Heaven knows there have been many time periods when we we're just treading water. They will undoubtedly come again. There have also been times when we are swimming Olympic qualifying sprints. Right now, we're more like the middle-age woman in a sensible swimming suit who shows up at the pool every morning at 8 and does her thing. No treading. No sprints. Just making slow and steady progress, methodically improving our strokes and feeling pretty good about it.
  The other day Cam asked me to help him identify the factors that are bringing us right into the sweet spot. That was the beginning of a very long conversation. There are so many factors right now that are all working together.
  I have always known that a mother has both the privilege and heavy responsibility to set the tone in a home. I am gaining a testimony of that on my own. I finally made chore charts for our kids. I do my best to help the kids through chores every day. We aren't perfect, but I really want it to become habit for them. I slip chores onto their charts that I have a hard time doing, like reading them a scripture story. Charlie is so intensely goal-oriented, that he makes certain that I get the stuff done. If I stick the exercise chore on, he won't let me rest until we do it. I want it to be easy and natural for the kids to grab their scriptures in the morning and to exercise. I really believe if it is a habit from the time they are young, they won't have to struggle to learn it later.
  So, I help the kids with their chores and that helps me to get moving. I'm motivated by teaching them and making their futures brighter, for sure. The next thing I did was to make myself a list. It includes a list of daily chores, a list of chores that I do weekly-on the same day each week, and a list of monthly chores. I laminated it and mark them off religiously. On days when I feel like I am drifting and don't know where to start, I chant to myself "follow the list. Follow the list." and do you know what? It works. I have so many more moments of success in my day, that by the end of it, I feel quite accomplished. It makes me more relaxed to have a plan. I know that if I follow my plan, everything will get done eventually.
  Cam has a business that is wonderful. Everything we've done before now, has been wonderful too. It has all felt like the right thing to do at the time, but when this opportunity seemed to come together right before his eyes, Cam was receptive and jumped at the opportunity. He's working his tail off, but seeing great results. He works with Kevin, which he loves, and has got some serious missionary work going on with the first employee. Cam works from early in the morning, until late at night, but he's continually working to improve balance and figure out how to keep the business running and take care of us and himself. Tricky business.
Cam does a great job at finding special time with the kids-together and individually. I think I always underestimated how much they need their dad. When they go a few days without that quality time, they turn into little monsters. Some good snuggling and chatting fixes that up right away. The favorite game right now consists of Cam pretending to be a dog or a horse. Stella asks him to be one or the other every single time she catches sight of him. He also takes little opportunities to hold Stella, or to wrestle with Charlie. He asks Charlie questions about his day and really listens to his responses.
  We set up a night time routine as well as morning chores. I made little books that are bound. The kids turn the page when they've finished. We don't always use the books any more, but having a routine that we can all depend on is amazing. It gives us scheduled time to read to the kids, to help them clean up toys and to pray with them. We pray every night now. It's so easy to skip prayers when kids are tired and it's late, but making them a non-negotiable part of the routine has blessed us. It's rarely a reverent time, but it's good.
  Cam and I are still working to find the best time to read and pray together, so sometimes that's touch and go, but we love it. It is one of those times we pull out treats and bribe the kids to be quiet so we can make it happen. Cam discovered the Mormon Channel App and we both love it. We listen to all the interviews with the leaders of the church and we have great discussions about our family and the gospel principles after.
  I think making all of these things part of our routines and life is the biggest help we've had. Even when it feels futile with kids (which is often) I think we're all learning and inviting the Spirit into our home.
  We also try to learn all the time. We've done loads of studying about ADHD, particularly in adults. We've learned a lot in the months since we figured out that Cam deals with it. We have so many more strategies and just recognition for what is happening and why some of our family processes need to work differently than we might have expected. It has been so amazing and liberating to find this information, then to figure out how it can apply to and help our children.
  Cam and I both love to learn. We both read articles and essays constantly. We try to talk about them and learn from each other. Cam's revelations are mostly business and gospel oriented. He keeps up on technology and the economy more than I do. I try to read lots about education, cooking, gardening, housekeeping, and child development.  I love the conversations and all the learning that takes place in our home and marriage because we have so many new things to talk about. Also, I really think Cam is wonderful. I love being married to him. We've had an extraordinary number of refining moments since we got married, but I love what we know, and I love that we've learned it together. I love our marriage.
  We are trying to surround ourselves and our kids with the things of the gospel. In the car, we listen to primary songs and have good discussions (a midst the screaming and fighting). Charlie is always on the go, so being in the car with him is almost the only time that he settles down. He asks deep questions about death, and gospel principles. He also asks about zombies and construction vehicles. I try to use that time to teach and listen. We talk about scripture stories and the plan of salvation. The kids also scream a lot. They have a terrible new game they play where they say "let's growl at mom". Then they growl. Then they say, "let's scream at her. Then they scream and it is enough to shatter windows and make me cry. It's pretty much the only time I yell. So, we swing right from the things of eternity to me yelling that they better be quiet. Just keeping it real. We always look for deer in the car and try to play games. I really cherish that time with them....most days.
  We try to eat dinner together and make most of our meals homemade and healthy.We try to find time to spend together, like a quick morning hike together or playing at the park.We also try to provide lots and lots of playtime for the kids. Sometimes that's easier said than done, because they'd rather watch shows, but they adore being outside. They helped me weed and plant a garden (in the flower bed next to our driveway. ha) They were thrilled to discover our peas and carrots shooting up today. They love dirt and digging, We try to read to them a ton and go the library at least once a week.
  Cam and I have both withdrawn a lot from social media. I'm trying to be a little bit more discerning as I am involved with it. I've never been much for commenting or interacting, but it's tricky to navigate the exposure and the effect that it has on me. I quickly unfollow people or blogs that make me discouraged. Anything that is overwhelming to me or makes me feel like I "should" be doing things differently than I am is pretty much out. I have been finding that I really am so happy and satisfied with my little family and un-extreme life when they are my focus. I go to bed every night grateful for what I have, what I've learned and all the things that have brought us here.
  There is nothing outrageous or crazy that we're doing to be happy, but I am loving focusing on the simple things, and my role as a mom and wife.We have lots of improvement to do, but it doesn't feel overwhelming, just exciting. Life is so good for this King family right about now.