Someday, the telling of our "first five years" will be summed up in a few sentences. Already I'm forgetting some of our experiences and about many of those long days, weeks and months of decision making and muddling through. I think that's ok. But, I do want to record what we are learning so that, while our kids won't know all the twists and turns we took, they will understand how we ended up...wherever we end up! This is basically a journal entry, but since Hayley and Meg are the only people who really read this (shout out) I feel alright about making it semi-public :)
  The past five years for me have consisted of finishing school at BYU, teaching third grade as an intern, staying home when Charlie was born, helping my mom de-junk and reorganize countless times, working for my dad when we decided that Cam should go to school, taking over the payroll, having Stella, becoming the budget-meister of the world, learning to cook healthy meals and being a mom.
  For Cam, they have been more complicated and I won't even try to detail everything. He has notebook after notebook full of that. Suffice it to say, he's dabbled (and by dabbled I mean studied everything and become somewhat of an expert in/on) sales, real estate investing, marketing, social business, behavior change, being a student, running a gym, trying out for the US bobsled team, personal training and writing programs, tech start-ups, creating of apps, entering the med-tech world, corporate wellness and so much more.
   He sometimes refers to these businesses etc. as failures and sometimes as successes. Mostly we feel like we've learned a lot. He's made incredible connections and has a fascinating network of people who believe in and respect him. He's created a lot of interesting friendships and been mentored by some very amazing people. He's attended conferences and immersed himself in multiple industries. He's invited to luncheons and meetings with people for whom he has great respect and who love to show him off.
   Through all of this, we have yet to find the perfect fit. I guess perfect isn't quite the right word. Things can be wonderful and we can be happy, but nothing's ever perfect. What we haven't quite found yet is the place where Heavenly Father tells us to settle in and stay awhile. Sometimes we try to figure out how all of these experiences could fit together and what they could be leading us to, to no avail. We just know that they were right for us at that time. All along the way Heavenly Father has provided for us and helped us feel at peace about each decision we made. We are learning that we simply can't see the end from the beginning. It has been a little nerve-wracking at times, but maybe faith is the biggest part of these lessons.
   We cringe a little bit when anybody asks us what our plans are or what we are doing. Sometimes we wonder the same thing :) Cam and I have come to the conclusion, separately and together, that it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that we are involving God in our lives and in our decisions. Clearly, his plan will be the right one for us. It is really easy to approach life as "how will this look to other people?" or "how does this compare to what our friends are doing?" or even, "in my wildest dreams I would never have imagined printing out fliers for a company which removes pesky critters from people's yards and basements." However, as my new favorite speaker and inspired general authority, Elder Cook (of the seventy) says-and I paraphrase- it is better to look up. To make sure that all is right in our relationship with the Savior and with our Heavenly Father and then "stand by our posts" and pray for and expect his guidance. He also points out that the world is a little too quick to criticize and to praise. We just can't get a true picture of where we are unless we are getting it from above.
   And so, to my little children: when you are older and trying to figure out what to do with your lives and who to be, just trust me on this one. It is indeed better to look up. We have a plan. We have goals and mileposts and we feel peaceful about those decisions. We have made them together with the influence of the Spirit. We know that when we come to a fork in the road or a complete dead end, we will receive guidance.
   I feel like the lesson I've been taught recently (over and over and over) is to depend on Heaven for my daily bread. We can't be passive. We have to make decisions. We have to study and learn. Then we have to acknowledge that we can't and really don't want to make these decisions alone. We have to pray and align our wills with Heavenly Father.The children of Israel did the work of praying for and collecting the manna,  but every single day, they had to turn back to the Lord and plead for his help. They had to learn to depend on Him.
   Sometimes, my sweet little ones, you will feel like you are wandering in the wilderness. I wish that you didn't have to go through it, but I wouldn't take it away from you for anything. I want you to know the joy that comes from feeling loved by Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I want you understand that you have access to divine help. I want you to feel the indescribable peace of knowing that you are doing what Heavenly Father has asked of you and He is not only aware of, but involved and invested in your decisions.
  On occasion, I will look the blog of a friend, or a friend's friend (if we're being honest) or Cam will show me pictures of his friends on facebook. Their lives seem so glamorous and really, really cool. Living on the beach, rescuing stranded animals, climbing, traveling, planning parties for outrageously well dressed friends, photographing everything with fancy cameras, then finding the time to photo shop it and buy trendy shoes. But, we agree in about two seconds that we wouldn't trade even one of those awesome vacations or carefully crafted facebook albums for what we have. Because then we would miss out on what our Heavenly Father has planned just for our little family. And what he has planned for us is, in fact, perfect.